Again, sorry about the last post, I don't know what got into me! I hope you guys are still my friends. Speaking of friends, who is your best friend? I know that some of you married folks are taking the easy road and saying "my spouse of course", but table that thought for a moment. Who is your "best" friend? First let me define what I mean by friend. I do not mean all the people on your facebook friend list! I mean the people you trust and are truly vulnerable with. People that stand with you at your wedding, and impact your life on an emotional level. What are the traits you look for in that friend? Trust, honesty, loyalty, encouragement, similar interests, security, acceptance, etc. I think this is a pretty typical list, right? Well, since you can't respond I am going ahead with my list!
If I may be so bold I think that this is a pretty good list. If you can have all these traits in your friends you are probably a pretty lucky person, right? The answer is yes, if you needed help. I have a question though, as humans,are we even capable of these traits? I know that we all have some of these is, but are any of us truly capable of these characteristics? You may be an honest, trustworthy person but have you ever let someone down? Told a lie? Had a moments of betrayal? Been sarcastic or cutting to a friend you usually encourage? Have any of your "friends" actually held to this list 100% of the time? If you answered yes, then you just proved my point by lying!! We are all fallen by nature, and even the best of us have moments of weakness and failure.
So, assuming you are an average human, you have all been hurt by a close friend at one time or another. Have you ever wondered why this is? If we know that we are not perfect, why do we expect perfection from our peers and friends? I think part of the answer is that we look to our friends, and family for that matter, to provide basic emotional needs that we have. Security, affection, understanding, leisure, identity and freedom are a few of the basic human needs that we all share. On an emotional level we look to our friends to fill these needs, but is that possible? If we are imperfect beings, and we are doomed to fail at one time or another, does it make sense to try and fill these needs with each other? No, it doesn't. But why does that surprise us, and on the next level why does it hurt us?
I think it hurts us because we are selfish. We NEED these things to feel whole and complete and lead happy lives. When our friends fail we are left alone and lost, and it is painful. We expect our friends to fill these voids, and we try to fill them in others. However, when we fail, we expect forgiveness and understanding, but when others fail we are so hurt, because we were vulnerable, that we have a hard time giving the same forgiveness and understanding. This seems like insanity but we have nowhere else to look than our peers, right?
Wrong! We have a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Prov. 18:24) Christ is the ONLY companion and friend that can fill the void in our hearts and provide the basic needs that we crave. A right relationship with our Lord and Savior is the bedrock to having true friendships on earth. Finding your purpose, direction and fulfillment in God is the only way to permanently meet those basic needs we all share. When we realize this, it takes our human friendships to a new level. We stop looking to our peers for what only God can provide, and we experience a freedom that never existed before.
Now you are free to experience true accountability with your friends. You no longer have to worry about letting them get too close, or being to vulnerable, because your self esteem and security is no longer found in their approval. Your true friends now become partners in your walk with Christ, instead of distracting you from that relationship. The selfish desires that used to be the bedrock of your friendships are now laid to rest, knowing that you have a true and perfect Friend who will never let you down. Now you are able to place the proper priority on your human relationships, freeing them to be as imperfect as you!
So, if God is who we look to for the fulfillment of our needs then it is safe to say that we cannot experience true friendship on earth without a right relationship with Him. Is it also safe to say that we cannot experience true friendships with those who are not also believers? Think about that for a minute. If they are seeking fulfillment of there needs through you, but your needs are met by God, how does that play out? Shouldn't that true friendship that you hold be a vessel with which to better serve and pursue God. If you are the only one in the relationship with that purpose, will they truly be the friend that you are seeking?
I am not saying that you cannot have relationships with unbelievers, if you didn't how could you ever share Christ? However, is that "true" friendship? Will they ever be able to aide you in your pursuit of Christ? Now let me ask you again, who is your best friend?
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